dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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