Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
