I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
