Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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