She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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