the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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