I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize