just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
