Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize