All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
