he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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