someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
