I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
