I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
