He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
