"it" just moved
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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