It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
