Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
