So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I AM VODKA MAN
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
