I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
