it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
