in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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