In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
