Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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