I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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