STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
