We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize