My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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