Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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