somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
