Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
