i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
