So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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