when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
