I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
