well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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