You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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