I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
