If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
