What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
