I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
