i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
