pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
