omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
