It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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