i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
