Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wanna go halves on a baby?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
