Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
