do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
