honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
