so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
