News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
