Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
