he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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