I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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