I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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