wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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