This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
