guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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