elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
