pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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