And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
