I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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