You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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