he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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